Sat
Dec
5
title says it all . im one less in the world :) so time flew by without me even knowing it . before i knew it , i realized that its STAYED this way ever since ! wow . he sure did show me ! very impressed . i’ve felt nothing but pure bliss & happiness :) so it was def. time to take it to the next level . mhhmm . its official <3 & im lovin’ it . of course , it doesn’t feel any different really but the fact that we’re moving foward & it’s GOOD is just such a wonderful feeling . i feel very loved , appreciated & wanted beyond my craziest imagination . LOL . no really , it’s been years since we’ve been so in love . it’s like , we just met & fell in love all over again ! it’s great . i feel like im on top of the world . i look foward to spending many more years with my love b/c i seriously feel we can conquer the impossible so LOOK OUT , it’s us against the world :D
Wed
Nov
11
so it’s been about 2 1/2 weeks since the INCIDENT & since we’ve made the plan of me learning to trust again & rebuild our relationship & so far i can say it’s been pretty good . still got a guard up but it’s comming down slowly . a lot faster than i thought it would though only because i’ve seen good progress with us . he’s been REALLY nice to me . very considerate of my feelings , very assuring when i ask questions . giving him the benefit of the doubt big time & im learning to put the past behind me . i hope it only gets even BETTER from here . as for that bitch , hmmm , i don’t think she gets the message & it’s starting to kinda get to me b/c THIS TIME i can CONFIDENTLY say he DOESN’T want to talk to her & she ain’t listening . it’s making me want to sock her in her damn face cos obviously she has no respect for me let alone sonny . whatever . i got him, he got me , it’s all that matters :) man i wish it’s been like , a month since not 2 1/2 weeks -_- i want it to STILL be this way in a month and even BETTER after that . ugh . just gotta wait & see .
Wed
Nov
4
gotta fight the feelingg . it’s SO hard to keep my guard up when i’ve been feeling pretty good lately . uggghh . can’t wait for the day where i can FINALLY just let it DOWN & be soo worry-free . i feel like i could right now but im guarding it just because of everything i’ve been through in the past 3 years . one day though . ONE DAY everything’s gonna be COMPLETELY okay & all my pain & haunting memories will be outta my life . ONE DAY . waiting …
Mon
Nov
2
“ there is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. a scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.
wishing i never ran into the things i did . it’s better to not know some things , especially when you’re on the road to recovery . it’s just like , a road block because you begin to feel the same emotions as if the problem was still fresh . but i gotta remind myself that , that was the past , & this is the future . i can’t heal if im living in the past . if i want to be happy again , i gotta learn to move foward . yes , i now have haunting images that i wish to forget but i KNOW that with time , it will heal . i won’t forget them , but after a while , those images won’t hurt me anymore . it’ll just be a memory of a time when i thought the world would end but then realize that it hasn’t . & it’ll prove to me that i AM a strong person because what doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger .
Wed
Oct
28
scared & nervous to have this talk with him today :( idk what the outcomes gonna be . hope it’s a good one .
Tue
Oct
27
“ in the absence of love, there is nothing worth fighting for
“ when the world says ‘give up’ , hope whispers ‘try it one more time ‘
i see the strength within myself when i talk to him . there’s times when i catch myself wanting to think with my heart but i switch to using my head . it doesn’t mean that im not going to think of him in a loving way . rather , i do , but i have to think logically . a way of guarding my heart until it’s healed & i can learn to trust again . it’s not going to be easy , but it’s not impossible either . i want to feel as if im worth the fight . im worth the effort . i want to be wanted . overall , i just want to be loved . being loved meaning being cared for & doing nothing to hurt me . i long for the day that i live in pure bliss & nothing or NO ONE can bring me (or us) down . ever . when i say im at a breaking point . i really am . i still feel that way . it just means that this is it . now or never . either it gets fixed or it’s done . no more lies , no more betrayal . just love , trust & happiness . & if , god forbid , im back into this dark hole , then i have no choice but to walk away and never look back . but the healing process has to start somewhere , & it’s starting with me opening up slowly and letting him back in - learning to trust again . it’ll be then that i’ll have that room in my heart to have him as a friend & what happens from then , well , we’ll just have to see when we get there . but for now , all i can do is hope for the best , expect the worse . the single little glimpse of hope thats left is in his hands . what he does with it , is up to him . our love is on the line , just keep that in your heart & hold on tight <3
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